


Sex and Candy

by thisdorkyficthing



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Chocolate Penises, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/579556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdorkyficthing/pseuds/thisdorkyficthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony probably shouldn't have let Thor use his credit cards without any supervision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex and Candy

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by an anon and that chocolate penis post floating around tumblr.

Loki cracked the door open just enough to peer at the man who held a suspicious looking box in his hand. “How did you find this place, Midgardian?”

The delivery man looked at him with a peeved expression. “I just go where the boxes tell me to go. Are you L. Laufeyson?”

Cautiously, Loki opened the door, yanked the box out of the man’s hand and slammed the door shut, ignoring the curse spat at him from the other side as he examined the box carefully. It gave no sign of where it came from and the plain box gave no clues as to who it was from. It didn’t feel heavy enough to be deadly, at least not deadly to him. 

With his eyes shut tightly he tore open the package, only opening them when nothing blew up in face.

He was a bit flustered by what he saw. It appeared to be a chocolate penis.

His mind raced as he tried to figure out who would’ve sent this. Was it poisoned? Why in the Nine Realms would someone send him a poisoned candy phallus? Was someone trying to mock him? Of all the things to mock him for, they chose  _that?_  

He picked up the chocolate, looking over it carefully and feeling his face heat in embarrassment even though he was alone. A thick white goo flowed from the tip onto his knuckle when he tipped it down. That’s possibly a bit too much realism, he thought, his eyes wide. With a bit of hesitation, he licked the goop off his finger and his eyebrows shot up at the pleasant flavor.

“ _Minty._ ”

He was more than a bit bewildered when he started getting chocolate penises delivered to his door every few days, still with no indication as to who they were from.

Although he did enjoy being surprised by the decadent flavors of the fillings.

-

Tony had called an impromptu and unofficial meeting of the Avengers over some strange purchases being billed to his account.

“Okay, so who has been ordering the chocolate penises?” Tony held up a stack of invoices to the stunned group in front of him.

Everyone looked around at each other silently, waiting for someone to speak up. Barton was the one to break the silence.

“Thor did it.”

Everyone turned to the blushing god in the back of room.

He stammered, his cheeks getting more red by the second. “I did not,” he said, his voice lacking conviction.

“Why would they even make those?” Steve asked quietly.

“Where have you been sending them anyways? Because they sure as hell haven’t been coming here.” Tony asked as he thumbed through the stack of papers.

Thor crossed his arms over his chest, getting more nervous as his teammates continued to stare at him. “That is not your business,” he said petulantly.

“You’ve spent like, 500 dollars on these things.”

Thor sighed, “I am... I am trying to woo someone.”

“With chocolate penises.” Bruce clarified.

“Yes.”

Natasha cocked her head to one side. “Is it Jane? I thought that didn’t work out for some reason.”

“No, it is not Jane. I’d really rather not say who.”

“Why?” Tony asked as he continued to look at the papers in his hands. “Ooh, they have one with Irish coffee flavored filling…”

“You would not understand.”

Tony finally looked up at Thor with a lopsided grin. “Aw, com’on big guy, we can help you woo this, apparently  _very_  special, lady.”

Thor rubbed his hands together. “It is not a lady I am attempting to woo.” He watched as five pairs of eyebrows shot up simultaneously.

Natasha nodded. “And now I know why it didn’t work out between you and Jane.”

Clint smirked as Thor laughed nervously.

-

“Okay, I’ve been watching him for a few days now and he always checks at noon. So, I figure that we have you standing out there with your gift chocolate and real cock and boom, magic happens.” Clint shoved a box into Thor’s hands. They stood at the front of a nondescript apartment building that Loki had taken up in.

Thor looked down at the box. “What if he does not let me in?”

“Come on Thor, you grew up with the guy. If anyone should know how to get in his pants, it should be you.” Clint opened the and walked inside, Thor a step behind.

“That does not help me much.”

-

Loki opened his door and looked at the spot where a box usually laid, a pair of familiar boots in it’s place.

He slammed the door closed.

Then he swung it back open.

“Why are you here and how did you find me?” He asked flatly.

“I have a gift for you.” Thor held the box out to Loki, timid smile on his face.

Loki narrowed his eyes, looking between his brother and the box before taking it and slamming the door shut again.

He tore the box open, finding the chocolate penis as he expected. He opened the door. Thor looked even more distressed.

“Has it been you this whole time?” Thor nodded, a small, hopeful smile on his face.

Loki slammed the door shut.

He needed a moment to think.

He thought for a moment and came up with nothing. So, he opened the door, took a long look at Thor and slammed the door in his face once again.

“ _Loki?_ ” Came Thor’s voice, muffled by the door.

Loki paced in front of his door. “What kind of trick is this? I have spent  _week_  after  _week_ trying to figure out the purpose of this… whatever this is! I can come up with nothing that makes any damn sense. And now I know it’s been your doing all along and it manages to make  _even less damn sense!_ ”

“ _Have you at least enjoyed them?_ ”

Loki paused mid-step. “Yes.” Loki could hear his relieved sigh. “What is this all about? Are you trying to mock me for sometimes enjoying the company of men?”

“ _No! Not at all… Can you just open the door?_ ”

Loki took a deep breath and opened the door a crack, just enough to peek through at Thor. “Explain.”

Thor took a deep breath, stepping closer to the door and looking Loki square in the eye. “I have feelings for you…”

Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor.

“Feelings that I should not have for you. Feelings that I have been suppressing for a long, long time and refuse to hide no longer. I love you, Loki.”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up and he flung the door closed. It was only a second before he was swinging the door open, grabbing Thor by the collar and pulling him inside. Their lips and bodies crashing together.

Clint grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number into it quickly.

“Operation: Brother Fucking appears to be a success… Yes, I know it’s a gross name, that’s why I picked it.”


End file.
